Thursday, April 22, 2010

Rumor Control: Regarding the alleged "browning" of Paul Helmke.


I have received several emails alleging that I took the opportunity to "brown" Paul Helmke, much as my son and the 101st Airborne "browned" Geraldo Riviera as he got on the helicopter after he was kicked out of their AO by division commander General David Petreaus for compromising the position and plans of the One-Oh-One by broadcasting them to the world during the Iraqi invasion.

(For the uninitiated, "browning" involves sticking your hand back down in between your ass cheeks, seeking the essence of anal sphincter and then vigorous shaking the hand of someone you despise, all the while sincerely and repeatedly wishing him well.)

That I have been suspected of this is, I suppose, natural. However, I would like to say categorically that I did not "brown" Paul Helmke, as far as you know.



BazookaJoe said...

If I ever meet you or your son, I would like to buy you the adult beverage of your choice!


Redleg said...


Anonymous said...


And I truly am sorry for that.


Anonymous said...

". . .as far as you know."

Glad I didn't have anything in my mouth. Otherwise I'd be cleaning my monitor & keyboard.

Thanks. It's a GREAT day to be alive!!

B Woodman

Flight-ER-Doc said...

LOL, too bad. As far as we know.

parabarbarian said...

Not to worry. Helmke probably washed his hands as quickly as possible afterward. I'll bet he burned the shirt you touched too.

Sloboskya Rotchakokov said...

Actually, I don't know that you even COULD have done such a distasteful thing had you desired to.
Helmke has a rep for getting right to the bottom of things; he leaves no turd unstoned, uh, stone unturned, in sniffing out the dirtiest secrets behind every movement and vowing to spread the hole story, no matter how sticky things become!
Even those who dislike him admit that he is a dedicated bugger, and despite that mild facial expression most often seen when one's Depends overflow, when the drinks are served he becomes the life of the potty.
So in spite of our difference, Mikey, let's raise a toast to Skidmark Paul.
Bottoms Up!

j3 ;o)

Anonymous said...

I am truly ROLMFAO on this one.......It is TRULY a Great Time in History to be ALIVE, Mike ! I asked SPLC by E-Mail to Please put me on their published list BTW but I imagine the request fell on Socialist ears. Thanks to all who attended the show of freedom the 19th!


Phil in Ohio said...

Hey Mike that is funny as hell.. i hope its true!!! III Phil in Ohio

thedweeze said...

You'd have to be some kind of returd to believe a rumor like that.

Anonymous said...

No matter, the pic alone is PRICELESS! oooh-rah!