Monday, February 2, 2009

Groundhog Strikes Blow For Second Amendment, Bites Mike Bloomberg.

Mayor Michael Bloomberg holds Staten Island Chuck for the big crowd to see this morning at the Staten Island Zoo Monday, February 2, 2009. Chuck is so underwhelmed by events, he takes a chunk out of Bloomberg's hand.

As reported in "Newsday, Staten Island Chuck (aka Charles G. Hogg) drew blood from anti-gun New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg during a Groundhog Day ceremony today. Unfortunately there was no possibility of Mike getting rabies, for Chuck has lived a lonely, animal companion-free existence since he was born. Here's how Newsday reported it, but they lacked a crucial piece of information provided Sipsey Street Irregulars.

Groundhog bites Bloomberg at ceremony


1:50 PM EST, February 2, 2009

Mayor Michael Bloomberg paid a visit to an apparently-disgruntled constituent nicknamed 'Staten Island Chuck' on Groundhog's Day -- and got bit for his trouble.

Staten Island's famous groundhog, Charles G. Hogg, inexplicably bit Mayor Bloomberg during his annual holiday ceremony on Monday, drawing blood from the billionaire.

Said Bloomberg spokesman Stu Loeser: "It nicked his hand."

Bloomberg wrapped the cut with a napkin until he could check with his doctor.

He was told there was no risk of rabies. The 2-year-old animal was born and raised in captivity and has had no interaction with other animals

People's Exhibit #1: Evidence found in Charles G. Hogg's cage.

New York City Mayoral Protective Detail officers also recovered this from suspect Hogg's residence.

It would seem, gentle readers, that Steve Lauer, President of Wisconsin-based Lauer Custom Weaponry of Chippewa Falls may have some explaining to do.

Staten Island Chuck in happier days before his alleged assault on Mayor Bloomberg.

Preparations are under way to start a legal defense fund for Mr. Hogg, although the NRA declines to get involved, saying that they are entirely too focused on the more important task of promoting their wine list to help at this time.

Meanwhile, spontaneous demonstrations by New York schoolchildren are protesting Chuck's placement in home detention while he is awaiting trial. Melissa Scheuer, a third grader at PS 1345, denounced Mayor Bloomberg, saying "he's a nasty old man anyway and besides, it was self-defense. If he grabbed me like that, I'd bite him too!"

"Free Chuck! Free Chuck!" chant elementary school children in support of political prisoner Charles G. Hogg.


Anonymous said...

I'm more concerned for the rodent...chuck that is getting rabies.

Sad that the poor animal had to learn the hard way that shit sandwichs are real.

Dakota said...

Too bad it wasn't me that bit him, would have been a bloody stump. Then I could have gone for the rabies shot. LOL

Anonymous said...

Charles G. Hogg...bit Mayor Bloomberg...drawing blood from the billionaire.

Heh. To paraphrase Leonidas speaking with Xerces, "The world will know, that even a billionaire can bleed."

jon said...

oh yeah, speaking of that wine list, i think they forgot one important selection.

Anonymous said...

oh my god you guys get me laughing.