Thursday, September 3, 2015

Report and reflections on the strange not-peace.

Thanks to the generous readers of this blog, our A/C was fixed this week. Don't ever let anyone tell you that God doesn't answer prayer, for He certainly does. It turned out to require a new fan motor, among other things. Without it, this week would have been a greater struggle than it was, and it's been plenty challenging. I did finally get the MRI done yesterday morning, so I'm waiting to find out about those two pesky liver tumors. My anemia continues to dog me, but not to the point where the docs can justify a blood transfusion. Mostly I'm treading water on the other issues. The aggravating thing is that it has gotten in the way of continuing the fight on a number of fronts.
Events crowd in, threats to the cause of liberty multiply and I'm not the only one who believes that all of our times in this strange not-yet-war-but-not-peace -- in our country and the world -- are coming to an end more evil than we have seen in 70 years.
Yet, I am painfully aware that I'm closer to the end of my personal fight than the beginning, and I'm frustrated that the fronts grow in number even as my ability to assist in them decreases. I begin to feel hopelessly inadequate to the task at hand. I can't say that I've ever considered it that way before, even when they told me I likely wouldn't make it through the stomach surgery three and a half years ago. I've always had a deep belief that God wasn't through with me yet. I still feel that way, but I am afraid that I'm letting Him -- and you -- down by not accomplishing more with the time I have.
That said, I feel even more strongly that I have neglected my family in the process. Why Rosey has stuck with me these past thirty years with all the threats that I have invited into our lives is beyond me. I ache when I consider that I haven't even seen my son's new family in Germany and may never do so. I ache that Matt's first wife has largely prevented my oldest grandson from seeing his father and his grandfather, raising him without reference to his history, his blood -- breaking that mystical tie in a selfish bid to erase us from her own guilty memory. Rosey and I sit and talk nights about how we'll get out of this hole that my disabilities, physical and economic, have dug for us these past 15 years, about our dreams of leaving behind this ramshackle house and moving up to Chandler Mountain, to raise goats and keep bees, knowing all the time that events intrude and we're likely not going to make it.
But these are the trade-offs that I have made with my eyes wide open. Looking back on the years since Waco, there are things that I would have done differently, mistakes that I made that I wish I could unmake, but not the one decision that mattered then and still matters today.
The murder of the Branch Davidians and all their kith and kin by a feral federal government was evil of the sort that any thinking being with an ounce of moral feeling had to fight. I may regret some of the steps I took, but not the road I set out on. I could not do otherwise and look myself in the mirror. Even now, when I do look myself in the mirror, cognizant of my serial failures, it is with the sense that for all the costs I have not done enough.
And the tax-paid murderous criminals of Ruby Ridge, of Waco, of Oklahoma City and Katrina, of Fast and Furious and the perpetrators of the other wholesale depredations of liberty in the past three administrations have gone unpunished, hardly even inconvenienced by the evil they committed. "Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord," and I believe that. But when I look at the even bloodier, ghastlier evils that are rolling inexorably downhill at us now, at innocent people who just want to be left alone to live their lives, to love and work and raise their families in peace, I cannot help but despise the tyrant wannabes who start the stinking wars with their own insatiable appetites for other people's liberty and property and lives. I despise them at the same time I chafe at the poor showing I have made in trying to oppose their designs. Always we fight, a despised tiny minority of us, with inadequate resources, against an enemy far more powerful, it seems, than we have any hope of successfully opposing.
And yet.
And yet, we do what we can with what we have, for God commands us to stand. He doesn't command us to win, but he does expect us to fight. In the end, He will do the fighting and the winning of the ultimate victory. So, in the words of my son, quoting a maxim of his beloved 101st Airborne, we "drink water and drive on," through whatever the future brings until God calls us home. In the end, perhaps, my family, my friends, and you, my readers, will forgive my failures if I continue to try to do my best. I hold onto that thought. For your support, in your prayers, with your advice and your contributions, I thank you all. Please keep me in your prayers as I thankfully keep you in mine.


Anonymous said...

It's Cost me nearly everything, simply to maintain the Internet Connection that enables me to check in on your Blog Daily, Mike. You shine a Light like no Other.
Lost my Dad on Friday. For the past several Years my main concern has been to not be in Prison or Worse for my Fathers Death. Now the Gloves can Truly come; OFF
I DEMAND all Malevolent Changes to both US and Canada Since 1965; REVERSED
We are Real and We are Right.
Good Commies Choose Suicide.

paulske said...

Thanks for writing that.
Similiar to thoughts and life experiences I've been having.
" I may regret some of the steps I took, but not the road I set out on. I could not do otherwise and look myself in the mirror.... it is with the sense that for all the costs I have not done enough".

drjim said...

Happy to hear the A/C is fixed, Mike.

As far as everything else in this post, did the best you could do at the time.

We all make mistakes; man is an imperfect creature. But the wise ones learn from their mistakes, and don't repeat them.

Take care, and God Bless....

Steven Crilly said...


I have been touched by your posts before, but not like this one. I just want you to know that I have been an avid reader for years now, taking personal and silent actions that I can to help effect change if possible. You have given me hope thru the years and now I want you to know that I pray for you and love you, and wish health and all the best God can give you.
Thank you for the service you have provided.


Arkindole said...

You can only do what you can do. A lot of folks are listening.

Historian said...

This is a war of ideas, Mike. FreeFor has better ideas, but they are often poorly presented.

What we need, more than anything, is a concrete depiction of where these various conflicting ideas will lead us, and what the road will look like. You do many things that others can do.
I do not say that these efforts are a waste, for they are not. They are a part of who you are.

What I do say is that there are some things that NOBODY ELSE CAN DO. Only you can complete "Absolved," for example, and if I could be granted one wish as to what I most would like to see from you in your lifetime, it would be for you to finish your book.

Consider; in 1775, even after the "Shot heard round the World," and the siege of Boston and the battle of Breed's Hill, the vast majority of Americans considered themselves to be loyal subjects of the Crown who had been woefully abused by the King's minions. Despite everything that gone before, Americans persisted in holding to the British Crown. Until the publication of Tom Paine's "Common Sense." In half a year, that pamphlet changed the outlook of a significant number of Americans; over half a million copies were sold.

You have struck sparks of freedom all over this nation. Now it is time to fan those flames.
Write your book. It will speak for you long after you are not able to speak for yourself.

Nemesis said...

Mike, each of us has a duty to perform while on this Earth. Each of us is given the opportunity to live out our lives as we see fit, but only some of us will come to the realization that we are here for a purpose, that God has given us that purpose, and we must abide in that purpose. You are abiding in that purpose. May God bless you for who you are and for what you represent.

Anonymous said...

You've touched more lives and opened more eyes than you'll ever know. I don't comment much, but I read the blog every day without fail. I'm thinking most visitors are the same. Not to get too sentimental, but if you need reminding of what you've accomplished, now might be a good time to watch "It's A Wonderful Life." Seems appropriate.

Anonymous said...

Mike, I think you underestimate the power of your use of something that once belonged to the enemy we all face this day - the internet. Thirty years ago, thoughts and musings like yours were not so easily passed about but as local handbills. Today, those warnings, those objections, those solutions are spread out all over, for all the worlds people to see and ponder in their own ways.

Some deride what they term as "keyboard commandos" and "laptop warriors" but in doing so they openly admit the power those kind of soldiers bring to this modern age battlefield. For what is, in the end, more powerful than possessing and sharing information? Is not truth the most powerful thing God gave us? Of course, it is the finest miracle ever crafted.

The failures are those who refuse to relent before that Almighty creation. The real failures are those decrepit souls who would rather bow to evil in order to claim they did not "lose" to it, as they chide those who fought evil and their fallen brethren who passed trying to protect and defend something bigger than themselves, something more meaningful and valuable than all of us.......truth itself.

So long as you relent to the truth until your last day, so long as you hold the line on that first principle, as you stand before your Creator on your Judgment Day, the gates will open wide for you. Let there be no doubt in your heart about that. God understands that we are imperfect, that we fail, that we falter, that we make mistakes. He also understands that what we do in response to those stumbles is what truly matters. Atonement. Accepting our own inner failures. Learning. Earning.

Without mistakes and admitting them to yourself, those gates would be closed. That is what the naysayers and the bowbabies (that is what I call them, bowbabies) don't understand. Indeed, it is what they deny even when they do know and understand. Evil consumes their souls day by day, and they just allow it to happen. That's not you Mike and it is not your path.

Stay the course, share the truth. I hope one day you see that when you ask yourself why Rosey has stuck it out.....the answer is plain as day from perspectives not your own. She has to value honesty, honor and Gods highest Miracle - truth. If she didn't, she wouldn't be there. Thank her. Love her. Defend her honor. All till the last second of your life here on earth....and your soul shall rest in peace without regret.

Anonymous said...

Thank you Mike. God bless you.

DamDoc said...

By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.” ― Confucius

Anonymous said...

You are the teacher & mentor i wish i met 40yrs earlier.
I visit daily like anxious child on Christmas Eve.

I have encouraged my children to visit the site and learn as i have.
The Torch has been passed as best i could to the future generation.

Thank You & God Bless!! Isn't enough but all i have in this forum.

Chiu ChunLing said...

Wellington wrote from the field of victory to say, "nothing except a battle lost can be half so melancholy as a battle won."

I would not gainsay his sentiment entirely, but perhaps he did not contemplate the battle forfeited uncontested, as Solzhenitsy did for many years. But melancholy as they were, those years weren't fruitless.

"And what would one then have to say about our torturers? Why does fate not punish them? Why do they prosper?

"The only solution to this would be that the meaning of earthly existence lies not, as we have grown used to thinking, in prospering, but in the development of the soul. From that point of view our torturers have been punished most horribly of all: they are turning into swine; they are departing downward from humanity."

"It was granted to me to carry away from my prison years on my bent back, which nearly broke beneath its load, this essential experience: how a human being becomes evil and how good. In the intoxication of youthful successes I had felt myself to be infallible, and I was therefore cruel. In the surfeit of power I was a murderer and an oppressor. In my most evil moments I was convinced that I was doing good, and I was well supplied with systematic arguments. It was only when I lay there on rotting prison straw that I sensed within myself the first stirrings of good. Gradually it was disclosed to me that the line separating good and evil passes not through states, nor between classes, nor between political parties either, but right through every human heart, and through all human hearts."

"Since then I have come to understand the truth of all the religions of the world: they struggle with the evil inside a human being (inside every human being). It is impossible to expel evil from the world in its entirety, but it is possible to constrict it within each person."

The true battle begins, and is ultimately decided, against our own base desires which can only bring forth evil. Prior to our experience of life, these desires seem good in our sight. After seeing the results such desires have in reality, we then struggle to overcome them.

Of course it is right and proper to contest the expression of a desire in others which we have learned to reject in ourselves. But the hypocrisy of condemning in another what we allow to ourselves should be mended by condemning it in ourself, not tolerating it in others. Christ did not say, "Thou hypocrite, first cast also a beam into thy brother’s eye; and then shalt thou see more clearly than he."

Our battle against the evils without may not succeed...but that is not truly our battle. If we tend to what is in our own hearts first, then we have accomplished the work. It is good to help others also in their battle against evil, but it remains their battle, not ours.

j said...

Brother, you are right in saving your energy now to spend the time with you family. Why would you consider that a failure? did not the Almighty give you the family you have now, and did He not expect them to be your first priority, after Him? Even the mightiest warriors are made of flesh and bone; they are not movie superheroes. If you let the enemy of your soul convince you that you have not done enough, you are listening to the wrong voice. Listen to your Shepherd, and to your heart. Rosie deserves a full time husband now. You know, as I do, that the end of things is at hand, the plan is unfolding as the scriptures have told us. shall we somehow, by our efforts, thwart that which the Almighty has told us shall be? I think not. We do what we are called to do, but we must realize when we have done so and rejoice that we have served Him, not be heartsick that we cannot do more and change the ordained conclusion of things. Rather, we can stand valiantly and say, I have fought the good fight, I have kept the faith... I am not a defeatist, you know me better than that. But I see no point in pushing yourself to the point of self destruction, for the body you dwell in is not your own, but His. "take your position, stand still, and see the victory of the Lord on your behalf, O Judah and Jerusalem.". You know that Paul continued to write, even when he was captive and even when he was facing his death by the Roman empire - yet he was not dismayed, he continued to write, and we have his words today. So IF the Lord wills it, you can finish your book, even as you recover and let your body heal. Yes, the times are evil, as it was foretold - but we need not fear. The victory is already won.
If you need to talk, you know how to reach me, and perhaps we can get together soon. Meantime, know that my prayers for you do not cease. I give my God thanks upon every remembrance of you ( Phil 1:3 & c.) Stay strong and be of good cheer.

skybill said...

Hi Mike,
Those were some "Hard words" to say. Yet as long as we can we keep putting one foot in front of the other and "keep moving!" My Prayers are with you buddy.
God, Gunz and Gutz keep America Free!,

Louis said...

Mike, thank you for everything you've done for the cause of liberty. It is with a heavy heart that I read of your struggles and frustrations. I cannot blame you for feeling disillusioned in the face of the obstacles you're facing. I'm reminded of the story of Jeremiah, the prophet whose dark messages no one wanted to hear. Even he,one of God's chosen few,doubted his task. Even he asked, "what's the point?"
Know this, at least. I'm still young. At 26, I hope to have a lot of life ahead of me. Thanks to the fire you helped start in my spirit, I've come to value my rights as never before. I'll do everything I can to be worthy of your immense personal sacrifices; and to do my part in the fight; even after your own fight has ended. And I know that many others will do the same. Thank you,eternally, for waking me up.

Anonymous said...

Dutchman 6. You have touched many of us here behind enemy lines in Ct. You are an enlightened, honorable, decent man ! I consider you a mentor, friend, and brother ! I am here daily. You are in my prayer's. Wish I had the $,to get out of this collectivist ,jobless, puss hole of a state. That has gone rouge. Been chomping at the bit for 4 decades. Paid servant's ,believing they know what's best for America. Right's eroded daily. Turning this great nation into a utopian collectivist ,sewer. Behind enemy lines Ct.I will not stand down ,nor comply. AAA/O. 11B20.

Vikingsmith (Yakima) said...

Papa Vanderboegh, we can never fully express our gratitude for all you have done. IT is certain that each and every one of us feels the weight of the free world on our shoulders. There is only so much we can do. However, since our faith is in God, we know that He will ultimately do what we cannot. I've seen it time and time again, even in my few years. Thank you for all you have done while those of us younger folk were busy playing with our Tonka Trucks. We are grown now, and learning as fast as we can from you. Keep teaching. Keep working. Keep spreading the light of liberty as long as the Good Lord gives you. We stand with you, and are grateful for you.

Anonymous said...

Mike, I read every one of the comments coming before mine here, and I hope you take them all to heart. Although I read this blog occasionally a few years back it wasn't until I heard you speak at an Oath Keepers meeting in Sullivan county NY that I started reading it every day and posting comments. I understood exactly where you were coming from as a person who was once confused as to the solution for our countries ills being a collectivist philosophy. I too was once confused, albeit in the opposite collectivist direction. So I know how hard it is to admit ones philosophical mistakes when explaining the Founding Fathers ideology to people who remember you singing a different tune once before. That's the reason the PTB don't teach the truth behind the words of our Founders in schools. So we can go off in the wrong collectivist direction. It takes a great deal of study to finally get to their truths and once there a great deal of fortitude is needed to broadcast those truths to the world. You've done that. You'll never know how many minds you've brought into the light of individualism. Maybe you're not supposed to know, but I guarantee you have. At the same time giving our enemies something to pause and reflect about, because they know for every one like you who loudly brings those ideas forward there are thousands who may remain silent but stand shoulder to shoulder with them....I believe we are all born into this word at a certain time in history for a certain purpose. All of us were born into one of the most trying times in history and you have risen above most to take a lead role. There will be others after you to pick up the baton. The enemy will never truly win Mike because they're fighting an idea and as we all know, ideas cannot be killed.

Dutchman6 said...

I recall well that talk in Sullivan County. It was a surprise when Stewart Rhodes asked me to speak for frankly I was at my worst, exhausted from the travel and the previous events. You can see it from the video. Afterward, I thought, "well, that was a waste, Vanderboegh, because you were all over the place and probably bored the heck out of people, you hardly made any sense." Yet it obviously WASN'T a waste. God bless you for reminding me that even when we don't do our best, it is no reason not to try.

Anon 5:08am said...

Actually I was sorry I didn't get to talk to you more. After your speech you were walking down the center isle towards the exit doors, I believe to use the men's room, and I stopped you (tall blond woman, mid-50's) and asked if you were the guy who had the Sipsey Street website and said I read it occasionally. You gave me a "thumbs-up" and went to relieve yourself. Next time you're in NY i'll hopefully get a chance to talk with you longer

Anonymous said...

Thank you Mike. You're a good man and a noble Patriot.

tayronachan said...

Thumbs up Mike. God Bless.

James Hanna said...

We aren't the first nation or people to find ourselves in this situation. These cycles have been occurring as long as there have been vain, aspiring men on this earth, and will continue until there are no men left. The only thing different is now it is us in the trenches. There is no possibility of permanent victory, only a chance that we may purchase back a measure of liberty lost. Knowledge that soon enough the enemies of liberty will come creeping with chains and promises, will sully any temporary success. And yet we must fight.

You have planted seeds and refined the thought processes of thousands of liberty fighters. That is the legacy that we pass on, hoping to keep the spark alive for future generations. I hope you are able to continue, but if you need to rest, rest easy. You have carried more than your share of the load, and you will always have our deepest respect, Mike. Thank you.

All we have to do is make a good accounting of ourselves as befits our beliefs. The universe will sort out the rest, long after we have departed.

iwitness02 said...

"I judge not my own self"........Apostle Paul

Anonymous said...

Please write your book, please leave out any profanity, Michael are you a Christian, after all your hard work, l don't want you to loose the prize of heaven with Jesus,
Mary and all the believers, love, Denny.