Friday, January 30, 2009

NRA Diversification: Getting Into A Business They REALLY Understand.


Well, folks, the NRA, unwilling to spend its "political capital" on the fight against Eric Holder, has found something to do with plain old capital -- you know, its members' dues money -- by going into a sideline. It's not uncommon for a business in the middle of a downturn to try to diversify in order to survive and here is the NRA's attempt:

Yes, that's right, wine. Pete at WRSA reports it with derision this way:

Friday, January 30, 2009

Get Your Stinking-Cheap NRA Wine Right Here, Ladies and Gentlemen!
Goodness me!

In an email received this evening by NRA members, the Lairds of Fairfax have stooped to hawking table plonk.

Is there anything the Lairds won't do for money?

Next, I'm thinking that a NRA Geek-o-Rama Sideshow would be a real crowd-pleaser. We could have Wayne "He's French, You Know" LaPierre garbed in a blaze-orange skintight latex jumpsuit biting the heads off live poultry, while an overall-and-gingham-clad Chris "Deep Insider" Cox demonstrated various techniques of, shall we say, animal husbandry.

NRA Board Member Joaquin "I'm a Law Enforcement Legend" Jackson could tell us again how "assault weapons need to be (only) in the hands of the military and the police."

Then, to top off the freak show, former NRA President Sandy "Harvard Law" Froman could enter on rollerskates while juggling piglets and tell us all again what a famous victory Heller was.

Man, I know I'd pay big bucks to hear all of these mutts tell us, once again, how that SCOTUS decision means that the "Second Amendment as an individual right now becomes a real permanent part of American Constitutional law.”

We could make and sell DVDs afterwards, and maybe even have pay-per-view live streaming video.

Then, after enough money is raised to pay these overpriced Quislings' salaries and expense accounts, we could get back to business.

Like instead of spamming their membership earlier this evening with emails pushing rotgut wine, how's about calling in the chits for the Senators NRA helped to elect and get one or more holds put against AG-nominee Eric Holder?


That might burn bridges. Senators, law enforcement Gauleiters, and various imperial lobbyists might not invite the Lairds to their cocktail parties after such a radical step.

Can't have that.

Not if Wayne et al are going to keep their membership in the exclusive DC Insiders club, a/k/a The Beltway Bandits.

After all, they've got a wine business to keep afloat.


Drop the NRA.

Join GOA. They sent this email alert re the last stand against Holder this morning.

Let Wayne and his posse twist in the wind.

They've earned it.

Now, I love Pete like a brother, and while I concur with everything he said above (including "table plonk"), I think he's taking this entirely too seriously. OK, their franchise line of work certainly isn't working out. It's embarrassing, really. They've reduced themselves to being Judenrat conductors on the freight train carrying their members to the camps. "All aboard the 'Arbeit Macht Frei' Express! Would you like a bottle of wine to go with your moldy bread and fetid water?"

And yet, why shouldn't the NRA diversify? I mean if they're not going to spend their members' money fighting for Second Amendment rights as advertised, going into the wine business so they can at least recoup a little money is, I suppose, only doing their fiduciary duty.

But as knowledgeable as Chris Cox and Wayne ("He's French!") LaPierre are about Washington dinner parties, I don't think they'll make a success of this wine business. OK, they are cheese-eating surrender monkeys, and wine goes with cheese, but I just don't think they've quite got it right yet as a business plan.

No, I think they should go into a venture they REALLY understand. Forget the wine, guys, how about THIS marketing idea?

Now THIS is an area of expertise for the Lairds of Fairfax. THIS is something they really know about. They've been diddling their members for years with false representations of how tough they are as a lobbying group. Now they can put that knowledge to work for a change. Waddayathink? Am I right, or what?


Dakota said...

Hey gang let's all grab out rifles and NRA sanctioned wine, head for the hills or the range and have some "FUN". The world has gone completely mad and I am gettin madder by the day. It's mind over matter, "NRA don't mind cause gun owners don't matter".

ParaPacem said...

The whole article is great but your final fillip is superb.
HOWEVER - be warned: not everyone will see that the bottom ad is a parody... so, ex[ect a call from Chris Matthews any time now. He will be ready with his credit card number and his alias mailing address.

Anonymous said...

This was so great!! I was reading it on my PDA while drinking coffee and texting a friend, and I laughed so hard, I veered into the center lane of 459 and caused a few cars to hit the median.

Anonymous said...

LOL! Just one thing I would like to add in your spelling. It's LaPuke, if I have it correct. Meaning that puke will run the NRA into the ground because he seemingly can find any other line of work.

Anonymous said...

I'm always shocked by how many people have a religious connection to the NRA.
Any criticism is heresy.

jon said...

haha, ho-lee crap. you had me at "no risk dildoes."

Anonymous said...

Just like Wall St., NRA board of directors diddle and dildo while the VP for life (he's french you know) and his cronies cut sweetheart contracts and answer for nothing. No wonder hdqtrs wouldn't give me contact info for each individual director, this incestuous gang is livin' way too large on the members dimes. (fyi, I'm a paid up long time lifer who stopped contributing and am about to cut the card to little bits and toss it to the wind) NRA would be better off running a brothel, plenty of experience to be tapped.

Cemetery's Gun Blob said...

I get annoyed by those NRA Wine emails. If I wanted junk wine, I'd just get a jug of Carlo Rossi.

Love the sex aid ad.

j said...

And hey - isn't that BIG one in the picture the Barney Frank / Chris Dodd "Share With A Pal" model?

Anonymous said...

LaPierre does mean "the Peter."
I've often though that names can be destiny...

Moe Death said...

Wine (and dildos)are for metrosexuals. Make mine Bushmills and beer.

Anonymous said...

ParaPacem said...
The whole article is great but your final fillip is superb.
HOWEVER - be warned: not everyone will see that the bottom ad is a parody...


Anonymous said...

NRA and Republican Party are in a race for complete irrelevancy...

Michael Dukes said...

Ok...I spit coffee all over my keyboard. Anyone know where I can go to get a .gov subsidy to buy a new one?

Or maybe the NRA will have an offer on them soon as well. Unfortunately it will be a keyboard without the B,A,L(L),S keys.