First, announce and advertise that everyone between the ages of 18 and 34 who enrolls on the health-care exchanges by the end of the year is automatically entered in a lottery. Winners will receive everything from a free iPhone or iPad to a full-year of health-care underwritten by Uncle Sam. Refer a friend and get a discount. Buy one (year), get one free. In states that have legalized marijuana for recreational use -- Colorado and Washington -- by all means, throw in a bag of cannabis.
Why not throw in an offer of free oral sex from aging, ugly Bloomberg columnists?
A tip of the boonie hat to reader Jon for the link. At first I couldn't decide if this was satire or serious. After the bit about the Medicare cards, I concluded she was serious.