Monday, December 28, 2009

Fiction, faction and "fuktion." Once more explicating the obvious to morons with guns, badges and attitudes.

This is a dictionary.

To those members of the various Three-Letter Agencies reportedly extremely upset by Chapter Thirty-Two of Absolved --

We shall begin this lesson in language with the following dictionary definitions. For the lower order of intellects among you, the dictionary is a book that tells you the meanings of things. You should try reading one sometime.

fic•tion (f k sh n) noun

a. An imaginative creation or a pretense that does not represent actuality but has been invented.
b. The act of inventing such a creation or pretense.

2. A lie.

a. A literary work whose content is produced by the imagination and is not necessarily based on fact.

b. The category of literature comprising works of this kind, including novels and short stories.

fac⋅tion [fak-shuh n] Noun Informal.

1. a form of writing or filmmaking that treats real people or events as if they were fictional or uses them as an integral part of a fictional account.

2. a novel, film, play, or other presentation in this form.

One more discussion of faction before I begin:

Faction, a neologism, in literature, describes a text as based on real historical figures, and actual events, woven together with fictitious allegations.

Faction is often disliked as confusing to people who are trying to find facts. For example, schoolchildren told to look for historical information are liable to be confused by faction.

Examples of faction

Faction is not a new phenomenon. Geoffrey of Monmouth was a successful faction writer in the 12th century, and later the historian Holinshed was led into error by treating Geoffrey of Monmouth's writings as truth.

Another example of faction is the book According to Queeney by Beryl Bainbridge. This book describes the last few years of Samuel Johnson's life as seen through the eyes of Queeney Thrale, eldest daughter of Henry Thrale and Hester Thrale. Here, the word "faction" is a portmanteau of "fact" and "fiction".

"In Cold Blood" by Truman Capote is a good example of faction and is considered to be the first piece in the genre of nonfiction novels.

Another famous example is the story of author Alex Haley and his entire family history for 9 generations in the book Roots: The Saga of an American Family. - Wikipedia.

So, here I am, minding my own business today, trying to finish Absolved, when I find out from more than one person that the latest chapter of the novel (there's another word for you to look up, boys) posted on the net has some of you government employees' knickers in a twist.

I can understand that. But please, do yourselves a favor and read over the above definitions and discussion. A NOVEL is a work of . . . class? Anybody? Anybody? That's right, Little Jimmy, FICTION. And FICTION is? Anybody? Bueller? That's right, Jody, "an imaginative creation." And FACTION is? Anybody? That's right, Eric, a work of FICTION based on FACT.

Now, when I tried to explain this to a friend of mine who called to give me the news, he agreed with my definitions, but then he said, "No, you don't understand. It isn't fiction or faction that they're going to do to you, it's FUKTION. They're PISSED!"

Now, ladies and gentlemen of the Three Letters, I can understand why you are upset. I recall quite well the chickenshit retribution you brought down on John Ross in the 90s. But insofar as legal recourse on me for writing FACTION, there's damn all you can do to me LEGALLY. Of course, y'all have a history of resorting to extra-legal actions against people you don't like, so I suppose some of you might be tempted now.

So, having explained the English language to you, if you still feel froggy, you're welcome to try.

This is what we call a gambit. (You can look that up in the dictionary, too.)

Your move, morons.

Mike Vanderboegh


Mayberry said...

That's amusing, the alphabet soups are upset by a work of fiction. Perhaps because it hits a little too close to home.... Give 'em hell Mike!

Mayberry III

cj428 said...

A few years ago there was A Neo-Communist shockjock. He was anti- Christen, anti conserverative, and anti-caucasian. Preachera all over the country commented on him, one in particular was very vocal, and on more than one occasion he said someone should shut him up. When someone did he was persued criminally and civily and lost everything he owned. What some folks view as free speach and freedom of the press Creatans and lawyers that work for the feds view as sedition. When you throw A rock in A pig pen the one that gets hit squeals the loudest.

Doc Enigma said...

They shouldn't push right now...really.

Suck it up, boys, and read these chapters for what they are: An atempt to AVOID a possible future that's all YOURS in the making.

Honor your Oath and you'll be heroes of the realm.


Dishonor it, and you might see the "tion" taken from "faction".

Personally, most of the 'threeper' crowd would rather have you be heroes.

But as Mike said, "Your move."

Anonymous said...

I think you just gave them a well-deserved their attitudes as well as in their knickers.

Well done, Mike. Well done indeed.

Anonymous said...

Can't wait for the next chapter......mthead

pdxr13 said...

Hi Mike,

Pts I/II/III were a lot of fun in the way apocalyptic movies are.

I kept thinking about the praxis for first aid and buddy care. If the blood can be kept inside, most of the time there's a chance for a mean patient.

Don't forget: popular speech doesn't need protection from anything, but it makes me s l e e p y, s o s l e e p y .

Can't wait to buy a copy of The Annotated Absolved (with unauthorized marginal notes, pgp keys and cartoons).


Anonymous said...

What a bunch of pricks! Who do these people think they are? Ah that's right ... demon spawn created by their god.

You asses! Empires do not last forever. In fact, they become rather bloody. That is just history.

Do the right thing. Choose your frikkin side morons!

Anonymous said...

To borrow a phrase from a Star Wars character: Full of themselves, they are.

One other thing: If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.

Brock Townsend said...

One has to comprehend the King's English to read a dictionary.

skybill said...

Hi Mike,
Good job!! Rile the alphabet soups why don'tya'!! Shows ta' goya' your pen is mightier than the sword!!!


PS, Fly the Bravo Flag!

drjim said...

Hmmmm...maybe if the weren't so fond of breaking the law and trampling all over our rights, they wouldn't be portrayed in such a light.
Considering all they've done, they wonder why people hate them?

Anonymous said...

I would imagine it's the lawyers that are really upset, and it flows downhill.

Happy D said...

Hey they can read? I have to admit I was not sure they could.

Now maybe we can trick them into reading the Constitution.

Thank you Mike.

kenlowder said...

'So, here I am, minding my own business today' Ah the most dangerous thing that you can be doing. Minding your own business. I can't tell you how may stories in the er that I work in begin with "I was just minding my own business." Those words and "hey ya'all watch this" just keeps us in EMS gainfully employed. I prefer to keep a mind on the federales business so I can see them coming, instead of sneaking up on me cause I was minding my own business.

Keep up the great fiction work that inspires us all.


W W Woodward said...

Thank you, Mike, for posting a photo of a dictionary as a visual aid for the poor fools. Maybe while they’re at it they might find the time to look up the definition of “infringed”.

It would be a far simpler world if we were facing mere ignorance. Ignorance is curable. Malevolent stupidity however is a fatal condition that unfortunately all too often tends to produce what the acronymic armies like to refer to as collateral damage.


Soffitrat said...

If they are stupid enough to try, they should understand that it would only result in 1,000, nay 10,000 new authors of faction. Some of those new writers will invariably be authors of fact (aka - truth, reality), with themselves becoming the featured characters. Uh, aren't real names used in factual novels? All they will accomplish is to enhance the publishing industry, thereby warming the planet (due to the harvesting of trees), while placing themselves on the run.