Today I received in my post office box an angry mob. Yes, it is the Angry Mob Play Set consisting of 9 hard vinyl figures, 2" to 3" tall. It comes with a warning they have small parts and are not suitable for children under 3 years old. There was no explanatory note, just 9 diminutive angry mobsters.
Who would send an angry mob to my door? Well, the box contains contradictory information. The return address reads as follows:
"Melson Kissimak 80-Feet
69269 Testicle Tuck Trail
Burnt Scrotum, Texas 78744"
It is accompanied by this note on the outside of the box:
"TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN: This package does not contain poisoned fruit, anthrax powder, letter bombs, Christmas cards or stacks of small bills; however it does contain implements of war."
I can only imagine what the FBI drone assigned to read my mail thought of that. It is a wonder that the figures did not melt from repeated x-raying.
But back to the contradictory part. Despite what "Melson Kissimak 80-Feet" claims, the USPS package mailing label indicates that it came from zip code 20912, Tacoma Park, Maryland. It also indicates that while mailed on 19 March it took a full week to get to me, so the FBI theory is probably correct since it was sent "Priority Mail."
So, as to who would send an angry mob to my door, we are left with mere speculation. Friend? Foe? Fed? Feeb? Your guess is as good as mine.
LATER: It seems someone sent another similar angry mob to Len Savage's door, although his arrived some days ago. The plot thickens.
Even Later: A reader thinks that this might be a clue. I have my doubts, although I must say it is a vivid graphic full of, ah, anatomical angst.