Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Sipsey Street Product Announcement! Historic Arms announces the Helmke Special Capacity Magazine for Glocks

The Herero and Namaqua Genocide is considered the first genocide of the 20th century. It occurred from 1904 until 1907 in German South-West Africa (modern day Namibia), during the scramble for Africa.

On January 12, 1904, the Herero people, led by Samuel Maharero, rebelled against German colonial rule. In August, German general Lothar von Trotha defeated the Herero in the Battle of Waterberg and drove them into the desert of Omaheke, where most of them died of thirst. In October, the Nama people also rebelled against the Germans only to suffer a similar fate.

In total, between 24,000 up to 100,000 Herero perished along with 10,000 Nama. The genocide was characterized by widespread death by starvation and thirst by preventing the fled Herero from returning from the Namib Desert. Some sources also claim the German colonial army to have systematically poisoned desert wells.

In 1985, the United Nations' Whitaker Report classified the aftermath as an attempt to exterminate the Herero and Nama peoples of South-West Africa, and therefore one of the earliest attempts of genocide in the 20th century. The German government recognized and apologized for the events in 2004. -- Wikipedia.




There is a tale told with awe around bierstube tables, when "der alte soldaten" of the German army gather to share stories of olden valor. Some say it is myth. Some say it is fact. It happened during the time of the Herrero War in German South West Africa (known by everybody else besides the Germans as the Herrero Genocide). In the aftermath of the battle of Waterberg in late 1904, one Capitan August von der Schwachkopf-Helmke, led an advanced mounted patrol of Schutztruppe in search of Jakobus Morenga, a strategic genius and a noble fighter often referred to as "the black Napoleon".

At the time, Schwachkopf-Helmke was engaged to Hilde Bierarsch-Fettsack, heiress to the fortune of a very successful sausage maker in Lower Swabia. Hilde was also being courted discreetly while August was away at the wars in Africa by his cowardly and rather dim-witted brother Helmut, who was mortally frightened of even handling firearms.

Unfortunately Capitan August von der Schwachkopf-Helmke's small force found Jakobus Morenga, so the tale goes, and it was the last act of his courageous life. Indeed, he fought so bravely that he might have broken out of the ambush had he not run out of ammunition. Armed with an early production version of the Pistole Parabellum, popularly known as the Luger, produced by German arms manufacturer Deutsche Waffen- und Munitionsfabriken in Berlin, he exhausted standard magazine after standard magazine, according one of the survivors of his Schutztruppe, until he was killed. The irony was that August had been offered a matched pair of prototype 32-round "snail drum" magazines by arms designer Georg Johann Luger before he sailed for Africa, but von der Schwachkopf-Helmke turned them down, fearing that if he carried them it would be a stain upon his honor. "Whoever would need more than 8 rounds to defend himself?" he is reported to have said to a friend.

It was one of the might-have-beens of history. Posthumously awarded the Prussian Military Merit Cross, Capitan August von der Schwachkopf-Helmke's remains were interred where they fell. His moronic brother went on to wed the hefty Hilde Bierarsch-Fettsack, and together they raised a passel of cowards, shirkers and nincompoops, so much so that they were hounded by the shame of it all from Germany and fled to the United States, where their descendants dropped the "von der Schwachkopf" and became, simply, Helmkes.

It is also whispered by some that one of their descendants is Walter Paul Helmke, Jr., a failed American politician, and president of the Washington, DC-based Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence. It is also whispered that this is all a crock of "Scheiße."

In any case, when the modern day Helmke denounced "large capacity clips" the other day, I was chatting with Georgia firearms designer Len Savage about the legend of Capitan August von der Schwachkopf-Helmke and he had eureka moment.

Here is the result:



This just in from Len Savage of Historic Arms, addressed openly to the modern day Paul Helmke.

It has been decided every time you call for a "high capacity" magazine ban, an even higher capacity magazine will be invented.

So Mr. Helmke, you dislike 30 round Glock magazines....well you might recoil in horror with this one. 100 round capacity...perhaps since you inspired it we might market it as the "Helmke special capacity magazine".




Please keep the inspiration coming Paul....

PS: It's very real, very functional, and coming to a gun show/gun store/lawful firearms owner soon.

LEN SAVAGE
Historic Arms L.L.C.
1486 Cherry Rd.
Franklin, GA 30217
(706) 675-0818




Anyone wishing information on how to obtain a Helmke Special Capacity Magazine for Glock 17s should contact Len at the phone number above. The product is very real even if the tale IS a crock.

Paulie and me. The descendants of Helmut and Hilde von der Schwachkopf-Helmke are still raging hoplophobes.

27 comments:

Brock Townsend said...

Heh!:)

glockluvr said...

I shit you not. I had a dream last night about a beta type mag for my glock 17. Woke up this morning and started googling to find one.

TinCan Assassin said...

I now filled with an irresistable and raging WANT. Damn you. ;)

Gaviota said...

Mike, yer killin' me!

Dennis308 said...

Poor Paul, he's so misunderstood.

Thanx for the laugh Mike I needed that.

Dennis
III
Texas
oh by the way, Do they make one for the 1911?

Anonymous said...

LOL, I'm sure he's telling all his friends. He'll be famous now!

Too good.


III

Kurt '45superman' Hofmann said...

Ha! I'm learning. This time, I did put my beverage down before reading.

My nostrils will no longer be subject to your abuse.

Screw me 79 times, shame on you; screw me 80 times, shame on me.

aughtsix said...

I never wanted Glock... until now!

Uh, how 'bout one for a 1911?

Jon III

Anonymous said...

Gott sei dank! Ich liebe dich!

Anonymous said...

Outfreakingstanding.

Anonymous said...

Is it just me, or does that middle picture make the mag look like a big upraised middle finger?

Anonymous said...

but you gotta ask yourself if the magazine catch is tough enough to hold the weight of the mag.

Scott J said...

I knew I shouldn't have sold my Glock 19.

Anonymous said...

Fantastic post!

A short time after the Tuscon shooting, I wrote an entry on my wall in Facebook with a link to Don Surber's "Bite me" post. In that, I said, "Now excuse me while I skip over the 30 round magazines and head right over to the aisle where the 100 round drums are, while you go read the linked post."

Oh, Dennis308, I have, in fact, seen a few drum mags for 1911s at gun shows. However, I don't quite remember if they have the ... ahem ... 'shape' of this one. ;-)

Anonymous said...

Das wahr ja auch eine gutte geschichte. Vielen dank.

0321

Dedicated_Dad said...

Oh, holy Scheiße!

I MUST have my preciousssssssss@!!!!

You know, truth be told, I've liked the idea of the Saiga-12, but really had no overwhelming desire to own one -- until it appeared the jackboots were likely to tell me I can't. Upon receipt of that news, I rushed out (a bit too late, it seemed) and beat the bushes until I found one. In honor of another Great American, I intend to have it engraved with the legend "DFMAS-II" -- "Dianne Feinstein Memorial Assault-Shotgun II" ("II", as #1 is property of said Great American).

Likewise, I've never really been enamored of the "AK" pattern rifle - but I've now purchased a semi-auto clone of one -- complete with all the "evil" features including "that shoulder-thing-that-goes-up -- in honor of Frau McCarthy.

I fully intend to have it engraved with the legend "Evil Carolyn McCarthy Memorial Assault-Rifle, Ca. 2011."

Likewise, I've never had the slightest urge to own a Glock. I've fired a few, and was left with a PROFOUND sense of "Meh..." every time. They just don't speak to me -- in fact, I'd prefer my old 9-shot Makarov, truth be told.

This however has just convinced me that I MUST have one - and I will, before the month is out. As I suppose it would be in poor taste (is it still too soon?) to name it after some "congressperson"***, I'll happily settle for "Paul Helmke Memorial Assault-pistol"

Len: If you're reading this, I'll happily pay to place my "pre-order" now. TODAY. If people can wait 2 years for an SG-works SKS bullpup conversion, I can wait for ... my preciousssssssssss!!!

Daddy NEEDS his preciousssssssss!

};oD

Kidding about the "precious" - not about the "pre-order." Dead serious about that...

DD

*** - note for the bed-wetters: I'm sorry Ms. Giffords got shot - I'd happily volunteer to administer the 25-cent-solution to the turd what did it - but...

BUT...

Frankly, I'm damn tired of hearing about her. As Alvie Zane pointed out, why is HER shooting non-stop news for months while Aiyana Jones - murdered by Detroit pigs(+) showing off for the TV cameras - gets NOTHING?

Lets try this: You bedwetters make a list of all the victims of "psychos with guns" in the last...oh, let's say decade, and I'll make a list of all the innocents killed by trigger-happy pigs. If my list is longer - as it will be - you either start campaigning to disarm the pigs, or STFU! Deal? Didn't think so. Howzza-bout you STFU anyway?

(+)one more for the pigs - and the Peace-Officers: Peace-Officers ain't pigs. If you don't know the difference, you're a pig - and may go fornicate a rolling donut.

W W Woodward said...

The only drawback I can see to the double barreled magazines for the Glocks is; they will probably cost more than the pistol. Otherwise, Looks good to me!!

[W3]

Anonymous said...

How about the USP .45 or a XD45? That would be awesome. BTW, a lovely tale, laugh out loud funny.

Spider Monkey

Dedicated_Dad said...

The more I think about this, the more I like it.

Now I need to pick up another Sub-2k -- while I still am not crazy about Glocks, this looks like just the ticket to sling under a sweet little carbine!

Rebellious Pagan Knight said...

I want one for a XD45.

And then one for a 1911.

After that, we can start talking Sig-Sauer and others, yes?

Anonymous said...

1x Glock 18,

100 rounds of 9mm NATO,

1x Beta C Glock Mag,

Time at the range - priceless.


- deadman

WarriorClass said...

I think I'll get one for my wife, she uses a 9mm. I need it in .45 ACP and .308 AR mag.

Thanks Len!

WarriorClass
III

Anonymous said...

G-d, I absolutely love it. Gotta have one just to support Len and to spite Helmke. Besides it would be a gas to shoot!

I'm waiting for a pistol that takes a b-e-l-t. Now that's high-cap or is that infinite capacity? Ha, Ha.

Very nice, Len. Wish you great success with your project. Maybe you'll have autographed copies available?? =)

Bob Katt

Anonymous said...

I agree with aughtsix and Rebellious Pagan Knight. There needs to be something similar for a 1911. Also, for the person wondering about blet fed, I found something you'll enjoy:
http://www.shottist.com/beltfed.html

Anonymous said...

Awesome 9mm Glock mag!

Please don't forget the Glock 21 and 30 .45ACP owners in your future development plans.

The 30-rnd KRISS/Magpul .45ACP extension for a G21 mag doesn't have the serious WOW factor any more. We NEED something to take it to the next level.

Bad Cyborg said...

Now if he'd JUST make one of those for my Glock 22 . . .

Thing must be pretty freaking heavy. I know what a 100 round box of /40 WinClean weighs.

Of course you could strap 2 30 rd. mags together and have 60 rds. with a small lapse in the middle. But 100 ROUNDS! Damn! but I wish he make one to hold 100 rds of .40 S&W.

Wouldn't mind something bigger'n 20 rds for my FNAR, neither. Definitely gotta strap two of THOSE together.

Bad Cyborg X

Cody Minner said...

WANT ME ONE NOW!!!
I'm throwing money at my damn computer but it wont take. PLEASE make the for the PUBLIC. Perfect Zombie Defense = lots of ammo. And you will never have to reload. Screw Obamas High capacity mag ban. I will pay you money for one to fit a Glock 23. Make it happen PLEASE. If you cannot make it happen then send me instructions how to so I can make one myself.