Sipsey Street Product Announcement! Historic Arms announces the Helmke Special Capacity Magazine for Glocks

The Herero and Namaqua Genocide is considered the first genocide of the 20th century. It occurred from 1904 until 1907 in German South-West Africa (modern day Namibia), during the scramble for Africa.

On January 12, 1904, the Herero people, led by Samuel Maharero, rebelled against German colonial rule. In August, German general Lothar von Trotha defeated the Herero in the Battle of Waterberg and drove them into the desert of Omaheke, where most of them died of thirst. In October, the Nama people also rebelled against the Germans only to suffer a similar fate.

In total, between 24,000 up to 100,000 Herero perished along with 10,000 Nama. The genocide was characterized by widespread death by starvation and thirst by preventing the fled Herero from returning from the Namib Desert. Some sources also claim the German colonial army to have systematically poisoned desert wells.

In 1985, the United Nations' Whitaker Report classified the aftermath as an attempt to exterminate the Herero and Nama peoples of South-West Africa, and therefore one of the earliest attempts of genocide in the 20th century. The German government recognized and apologized for the events in 2004. -- Wikipedia.

There is a tale told with awe around bierstube tables, when "der alte soldaten" of the German army gather to share stories of olden valor. Some say it is myth. Some say it is fact. It happened during the time of the Herrero War in German South West Africa (known by everybody else besides the Germans as the Herrero Genocide). In the aftermath of the battle of Waterberg in late 1904, one Capitan August von der Schwachkopf-Helmke, led an advanced mounted patrol of Schutztruppe in search of Jakobus Morenga, a strategic genius and a noble fighter often referred to as "the black Napoleon".

At the time, Schwachkopf-Helmke was engaged to Hilde Bierarsch-Fettsack, heiress to the fortune of a very successful sausage maker in Lower Swabia. Hilde was also being courted discreetly while August was away at the wars in Africa by his cowardly and rather dim-witted brother Helmut, who was mortally frightened of even handling firearms.

Unfortunately Capitan August von der Schwachkopf-Helmke's small force found Jakobus Morenga, so the tale goes, and it was the last act of his courageous life. Indeed, he fought so bravely that he might have broken out of the ambush had he not run out of ammunition. Armed with an early production version of the Pistole Parabellum, popularly known as the Luger, produced by German arms manufacturer Deutsche Waffen- und Munitionsfabriken in Berlin, he exhausted standard magazine after standard magazine, according one of the survivors of his Schutztruppe, until he was killed. The irony was that August had been offered a matched pair of prototype 32-round "snail drum" magazines by arms designer Georg Johann Luger before he sailed for Africa, but von der Schwachkopf-Helmke turned them down, fearing that if he carried them it would be a stain upon his honor. "Whoever would need more than 8 rounds to defend himself?" he is reported to have said to a friend.

It was one of the might-have-beens of history. Posthumously awarded the Prussian Military Merit Cross, Capitan August von der Schwachkopf-Helmke's remains were interred where they fell. His moronic brother went on to wed the hefty Hilde Bierarsch-Fettsack, and together they raised a passel of cowards, shirkers and nincompoops, so much so that they were hounded by the shame of it all from Germany and fled to the United States, where their descendants dropped the "von der Schwachkopf" and became, simply, Helmkes.

It is also whispered by some that one of their descendants is Walter Paul Helmke, Jr., a failed American politician, and president of the Washington, DC-based Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence. It is also whispered that this is all a crock of "Scheiße."

In any case, when the modern day Helmke denounced "large capacity clips" the other day, I was chatting with Georgia firearms designer Len Savage about the legend of Capitan August von der Schwachkopf-Helmke and he had eureka moment.

Here is the result:



This just in from Len Savage of Historic Arms, addressed openly to the modern day Paul Helmke.

It has been decided every time you call for a "high capacity" magazine ban, an even higher capacity magazine will be invented.

So Mr. Helmke, you dislike 30 round Glock magazines....well you might recoil in horror with this one. 100 round capacity...perhaps since you inspired it we might market it as the "Helmke special capacity magazine".

Please keep the inspiration coming Paul....

PS: It's very real, very functional, and coming to a gun show/gun store/lawful firearms owner soon.

LEN SAVAGE
Historic Arms L.L.C.
1486 Cherry Rd.
Franklin, GA 30217
(706) 675-0818

Anyone wishing information on how to obtain a Helmke Special Capacity Magazine for Glock 17s should contact Len at the phone number above. The product is very real even if the tale IS a crock.

Paulie and me. The descendants of Helmut and Hilde von der Schwachkopf-Helmke are still raging hoplophobes.