Today we open a new periodic series entitled "Classic Moments of Pragmatism in Film." Number One is my favorite scene from "Team America: World Police." The United Nations has sent Hans Blix to determine once and for all whether Kim Jong Il has weapons of mass destruction.
Kim Jong Il: Hans Brix? Oh no! Oh, herro. Great to see you again, Hans!
Hans Blix: Mr. Il, I was supposed to be allowed to inspect your palace today, but your guards won't let me enter certain areas.
Kim Jong Il: Hans, Hans, Hans! We've been frew this a dozen times. I don't have any weapons of mass destwuction, OK Hans?
Hans Blix: Then let me look around, so I can ease the UN's collective mind. I'm sorry, but the UN must be firm with you. Let me in, or else.
Kim Jong Il: Or else what?
Hans Blix: Or else we will be very angry with you... and we will write you a letter, telling you how angry we are.
Kim Jong Il: OK, Hans. I'll show you. Stand to your reft.
Hans Blix: [Moves to the left]
Kim Jong Il: A rittle more.
Hans Blix: [Moves to the left again]
Kim Jong Il: Good.
[Opens up trap, Hans falls into tank where he is torn to pieces by Kim Jong Il's pet shark.]
Number Two is from Mel Brook's 1974 classic, Blazing Saddles. Black Bart, the new Sheriff of Rock Ridge, has arrived to claim his office. The townsfolk react poorly to a black sheriff and pull out their firearms. Bart is covered by at least twenty weapons. The Reverend Johnson seeks to calm the situation:
Reverend Johnson: Gentlemen, gentlemen, allow not hatred to rule the day.
[holds up his Bible]
Reverend Johnson: As your spiritual leader, I implore you to pay heed to this good book and what it has to say!
[Townspeople shoot the Bible, blowing it apart]
Reverend Johnson: [turning to Bart] Son, you're on your own.
Readers are free to make their own submissions. Send to GeorgeMason1776@aol.com.