September 29, 2010
Obama, top Democratic leaders plan WH huddle
President Barack Obama will meet Thursday with top congressional Democrats for one last strategy session before lawmakers flee town to campaign for re-election.
A Democratic aide said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and other top leaders of the House and Senate will attend the White House meeting. The aide spoke on condition of anonymity to discuss the private gathering.
The session will give the president and his top allies on Capitol Hill a chance to talk politics and discuss their legislative agenda, including plans for a lameduck session after November's election. Democrats have punted action on extending expiring tax cuts until then.
"OK, who's got a good idea for getting our asses out of this crack? Raise your hand." "Me!" "Me!" "Call on me, Mr. President!" "Nancy, you go first."
"Sh-shoot all the other Blue Dogs who have retreated, and their chiefs of staff, too."
"M-m-m-make some examples. D-d-d-d-d-d-deport the families of the B-b-blue Dog d-d-d-deserters."
"Yes, yes, that's all been done."
"Give them hope!"
"All right, who's the smartass who said that?"
"Look, the voters' only choice is between GOP policies and ours. They're screwed either way. But there's another way. The way of courage. The way of love of the Homeland. Without getting our fingerprints on it, we must scare the shit out of them with something more frightening than us or the GOP. Then we must give them hope. We must rescue the friendly newspapers again. We must tell magnificent stories, stories that extol sacrifice, bravery. We must make them believe in the victory over this evil. We must give them hope, pride, a desire to fight. Yes... we need to make examples. But examples to *follow*. What we need are heroes."
"Do you know any heroes around here?"
"Yes, comrade. I know one."
ME! Look, Barack, let me tell you how we did it in the old days. After 1994, I was on the ropes. They said I was irrelevant. They said Newt Gingrich was the big dog in town. Then some FBI sting went haywire and the Oklahoma City federal building blew up, killed a buncha people, women, little babies. The country was scared, the country was outraged. All I had to do was play the lip-quiverin', emotin', big daddy leader who was goin' to save 'em from all these right-wing maniacs and all of a sudden I was 'relevant' again. We even managed to cover the whole thing up. Got me a second term, Barack. Could do the same for you."
"Hmmm. Eric, the FBI dogs jump through your hoop. You think you can arrange something like that?"
"Let me think . . . Hmmm. . . Yes, I think I can do that. And I know just the asshole in Alabama we can blame it on."
"And if that doesn't work, Mr. President, George Soros says we can always have you assassinated!"
(Michelle thinking to herself: 'Hmmm. The martyred president's beautiful young widow. I could be the new Jackie O. Find myself a super-rich guy to marry. I could even run for president myself in 2012. Lemme think. . . So where's the downside? Of course I don't want to end up like Elene Ceausescu. Gotta remember not to stand too closely to Barack.')