Crispy Critter Guessing Games. If you're going to set yourself on fire at the National Mall, it helps to have a media plan to explain it all.

The Daily Mail reports breathlessly: "Chaos in DC as man sets himself on FIRE on the Mall a day after woman was shot dead after ramming White House gates."

"The man in question was not identified and his motivation remains a mystery, though the very public nature of the incident hints that it could have been in protest to the government shutdown."

Ya think? You know, if you're going to set yourself on fire at the National Mall, it helps to have a media plan ahead of time to explain it all. Back when I was working University Hospital in Columbus, Ohio, they used to float us down to the burn unit when they were short-staffed (which was often). I hated it. The horrors burn patients go through convinced me that I would never deliberately set myself on fire for whatever reason -- and do what I could to avoid less purposeful fires. Suicide in any case is almost always a supremely selfish act. What this guy's motivation was -- and whether it was worth the gesture -- we may never know. What a stupid waste. Now, if his bitch was with Harry Reid for example and all he had was a book of matches and a can of gasoline . . . Tyrannical collectivists, you see, don't give a hoot and a holler about whether their political opponents commit suicide. In fact, they're quite happy to see them taken out of the power equation without themselves having to lift a finger. A suicidal arsonist wouldn't scare them. They'll just call some myrmidon to clean up the mess on the lawn. A suicidal arsonist bent on specifically targeted homicide on the other hand. . . Just sayin'.