Thursday, December 9, 2010
Praxis: The Medusa Gambit. Secret New Crowd Control Weapon Deployed in London. Dozens temporarily blinded and deafened.
Protesters attack car containing Prince Charles. Although the student protesters broke at least one of the car's windows, the dangerous situation was immediately reversed when Camilla Parker Bowles, the Duchess of Cornwall, stepped on the back of the cowering Prince Charles, popped up out of the roof hatch and began to sing "Rule Britannia."
Some protesters were temporarily blinded by the Duchess' legendary ugliness and fell to the wayside screaming "My eyes! My eyes!" Others were deafened and disoriented by her screeching, while still others, with their senses overwhelmed, fell to their knees vomiting.
Speaking on condition of anonymity, a spokesman for the royal bodyguards admitted that the Duchess had been trained for just such an eventuality saying, "We thought we might as well turn a liability into an asset."
Roland Smegma, famous London solicitor, has indicated that the affected students will be filing a complaint with the European Human Rights Commission. "I cannot conceive of a worse weapon of war being deployed on the streets of London. I mean, if they wish to send the Duchess to Afghanistan and blind the Taliban, that's all well and good, but to deploy her Medusa weapon domestically against peaceful protesters is a crime."